The honeymoon phase of our relationship often gets us thinking that our partner is our eternal soulmate.
A soulmate is a person with whom you feel completely compatible, completely understood. It’s someone you can be yourself around, someone who reminds you that there’s nothing about yourself that you need to be ashamed of or hide.
Some people consider a soulmate to be a perfect person, or rather, perfect for them. Although you might feel that your person is the ‘right one,’ no soul is without flaw. And honestly, that’s not really what finding a forever person is about.
Soulmates are two imperfect people choosing one another, and saying ‘yes’ in a world that’s so quick to give up or walk away.
But how do you recognize who a real soulmate is?
How do you know if the person you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life?
Here are the eight warning signs that, unfortunately, he’s not your soulmate:
1. You don’t feel like you can reveal your true self in his presence.
He’s not your soulmate if you find yourself hiding your emotions or thoughts around him, or worse, if you’re pretending to be someone you aren’t to impress or keep him.
A true soulmate will see all the parts of you—even the imperfections—and accept you regardless.
He will be willing and able to understand that you’re a complex and beautiful person. Instead of standing in judgement, he will be willing to fight with and for you to make things work.
2. He’s not willing to really get vulnerable with you.
If the man you’re with isn’t willing to share his heart with you, he’s not the one. Honestly it’s as simple as that.
Getting deep with another person is hard and you don’t want to discredit or rush that.
Chances are, when you first meet (or even a few months into the relationship) you’ll both be hesitant to open up. But if, over time, you find that he’s still unwilling to let you in, he may not be your true soulmate.
3. There’s secrets in his past that he keeps from you.
This goes hand-in-hand with being vulnerable, but one of the most fundamental components of a relationship is trust.
If the guy that you’re in a relationship with isn’t able to trust you with his secrets, or he keeps things from you, then he’s not your soulmate.
A true soulmate will be willing to hang his dirty laundry out, knowing that you will love and accept him for who he is, just as he accepts you.
4. You aren’t sure where the relationship is headed.
A major warning sign that he isn’t your soulmate is if you have no idea where your relationship is headed (especially if you’ve been together for a reasonable amount of time).
While there’s something to be said for letting a relationship evolve naturally, it’s important to have conversations about your future and where the two of you see your relationship heading.
If you’ve tried to talk to your significant other about the future of your relationship and he has nothing to say, or if you feel unsure about the direction altogether, it may reveal that the connection isn’t as strong as you want it to be.
5. He isn’t engaged with, or aligned with your feelings or goals.
You and your significant other aren’t going to have all of the same goals, feelings, and dreams all the time. And that’s okay. What’s not okay, though, is if your partner makes you feel invalidated or silly.
It’s also a warning sign if he isn’t engaged with your goals. He doesn’t necessarily have to have the same perspective, but he should care enough to invest in what’s important to you and support you on your journey.
6. You prioritize him, but often find that he doesn’t do the same in return.
If you find that you’re always prioritizing him, always caring about him, and always putting him first without him giving you that energy back in return, then perhaps he’s not your soulmate.
Love isn’t one-sided; it’s a healthy balance of both parties giving and taking.
Your soulmate will meet you halfway (and more). When you’re with the right person, he will be pouring all of himself into you because he loves you that much.
7. You often feel like you’re forcing something to work.
He’s not your soulmate if you feel like you have to force love.
With your soulmate, love will come naturally because the both of you are truly invested in one another and making things work. When you’re with the right person, love won’t feel like a chore.
8. You often hold your feelings back in order to keep from fighting.
A clear sign he’s not your soulmate is if you find that you have to back down or hide your feelings just to move on from conflict.
Even the healthiest relationships will have fights, but it’s essential that both parties compromise in order to move on and heal.